Shauna Shapiro, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and professor at the Santa Clara University School of Education and Counseling Psychology, in California. An internationally recognized expert in mindfulness and compassion, she has authored more than 150 peer-reviewed papers and three critically acclaimed books that have been translated into 19 languages. Her TEDx talk, The Power of Mindfulness, has garnered more than 3.5 million views.

A sought-after keynote speaker, Shapiro has presented her research at esteemed academic institutions such as the Stanford School of Medicine, Harvard Law School and Oxford University, as well as global forums, including the World Council for Psychotherapy and the World Happiness Summit. She has delivered evidence-based mindfulness training to Fortune 500 companies like Google, Cisco Systems and LinkedIn, and her work has been featured in media outlets, such as The Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review and Forbes. Shapiro has even been invited to share her expertise with His Holiness the Dalai Lama, the King of Thailand and the Danish government.

This conversation features topics explored in her national bestseller Good Morning, I Love You: Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Practices to Rewire the Brain for Calm, Clarity and Joy.

 

What is mindfulness?

 

Mindfulness is often misunderstood as a meditation practice, but it’s actually a way of being and living in the present moment. Meditation is the exercise or training we do to become more mindful.

Mindfulness has three key elements: attention, intention and attitude. The most basic level is about paying attention by training and stabilizing the mind in the present moment. We also have to understand our intention—the reason behind seeking mindfulness. Lastly, is our attitude, which is about learning how to pay attention with kindness and curiosity.

Too often, we’re paying attention with judgment and shame. We criticize ourselves and others, looking at the world for what’s right or wrong, what will hurt us and what’s dangerous. This is called the negativity bias, a natural evolutionary adaptation that helped us survive by alerting us to potential threats and enabling us to escape them. But in our modern culture, we’ve lost touch with the art of paying attention with kindness and curiosity. Through mindfulness practices, we want to retrain the mind to be kind, open and curious, instead of always looking for the negative.

 

What tips do you have for incorporating mindfulness throughout the day?

 

The best method is the breath because it is with you all day long, and it helps connect the mind to the body. Periodically throughout the day, tune into the breath to reconnect with the present moment, allowing the nervous system to settle and allowing the mind to become clear. Simply bring your attention to your breath, allowing it to be a little deeper, a little slower. Allowing your exhale to be a little longer helps calm the nervous system.

 

What are the benefits of mindfulness?

 

What makes mindfulness so powerful is that it starts to deactivate the areas of the brain responsible for emotional reactivity, creating greater impulse control so that between the stimulus and response, there’s a pause. As you start to slow down and make wiser choices, it creates a lot less stress. Instead of sending that angry email, you pause, take a breath and reconsider.

Mindfulness also provides perspective, allowing you to take the 30,000-foot view of what’s happening externally and internally without being overcome by your emotions and thoughts. Instead of being enmeshed with a negative thought like “I’m unlovable” and believing it, you’re able to notice it—recognize it as just a thought and not the truth.

 

How do you define self-compassion?

 

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness, understanding and support we would offer a dear friend, even when we’ve made a mistake. Most of us are overly critical and judgmental of ourselves. There’s this constant inner critic. The idea is that we are worthy and deserving of love and acceptance, no matter what. We don’t have to prove ourselves or achieve certain goals to earn love.

Scientific research has demonstrated that when we shame and judge ourselves, it shuts down the learning centers of the brain. Self-compassion leads to the release of oxytocin, the hormone of safety and soothing, as well as dopamine, which turns on the learning centers of the brain. This neurochemical soup of safety and kindness ultimately enhances our ability to learn and improve.

We beat ourselves up because we think it’ll help us improve, but it paradoxically paralyzes us and prevents us from learning from our mistakes. People think self-compassion is going to let them off the hook, but it actually gives us the resources we need to change.

 

How can we cultivate self-compassion?

 

Neuroplasticity is the most hopeful message we’ve had in brain science in the last 400 years because it shows that the brain is always changing and that it’s never too late to change. Self-compassion isn’t something that just happens overnight. It’s something that we have to practice.

I have a three-step mindfulness approach. The first step is acknowledging and identifying the source of pain, such as fear, frustration or sadness. The second step is to bring kindness to yourself like you would offer a distressed friend.

The third step, called common humanity, is a little complex. Typically, when we experience pain, we tend to isolate, thinking, “I’m the only one going through a divorce” or “I’m the only one who’s lonely.” But that’s not true. The third step of self-compassion practice is to recognize that you are not the only one having this experience. By extending compassion to those suffering in similar ways, you can then internalize and assimilate that compassion for yourself.

 

Can you explain your “Good Morning, I Love You” practice?

 

During my divorce with a 3-year-old son, I grappled with significant shame and negativity. My teacher said, “What you focus on grows stronger. You’re practicing a lot of anger, self-judgment and doubt. It would be helpful to practice some compassion.” She suggested I start saying, “I love you, Shauna” every day. But I felt it was contrived and inauthentic, so she proposed simply saying “Good morning” upon waking.

The following day, I took a deep breath, put my hand on my heart, and said, “Good morning.” It was kind of nice. Instead of the shame, fear and judgment, I felt this flash of kindness, so I continued to practice it.

That year, I found myself alone on my birthday for the first time in my life. My son was with his father, and I was at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California. As I awoke, I remembered my recently deceased grandmother, who had always been an embodiment of unconditional love. Before I knew it, I said, “Good morning, I love you. Happy birthday!” I felt my grandmother’s love, followed by this flood of self-love and compassion for the first time in my adult life.

I’ve been practicing this ever since. Every morning when I wake up, I say, “Good morning, I love you.” Sometimes I feel it. Sometimes I don’t. The point is just to keep planting the seeds—to practice—and what you practice grows stronger. Self-compassion is like a muscle that you’re strengthening. It’s not something that comes easy. You’ll still feel self-judgment and self-doubt at times, but you’re making a commitment to continue to grow toward self-compassion. Practice is what transforms us.

 

What else do you recommend if we’re feeling lonely or we want to nurture our heart?

 

One of the most well-researched practices to strengthen kindness, happiness and well-being is lovingkindness meditation. During the COVID-19 pandemic, I taught this practice to numerous patients. Begin by assuming a comfortable position, whether sitting or lying down. Allow your mind and body to relax. When you are ready, direct your attention to someone you hold dear, such as your mother or a close friend. Feel the profound care and love you possess for them. Visualize sending this lovingkindness to them using images and words. You might repeat in your mind, “May you be peaceful; may you be happy; may you be healthy; may you feel my love and kindness.”

Next, recall a person who has shown love, support and kindness toward you. Embrace the care and affection they have bestowed upon you. Imagine them extending an arm around you, offering well wishes and sending you lovingkindness. Then begin sending this same lovingkindness to yourself. You might say to yourself, “May I be peaceful; may I be happy; may I be healthy.” Visualize love and kindness filling your being.

As you feel ready, extend these wishes to all beings, radiating love and kindness in all directions toward all beings and to the Earth. Send the lovingkindness with each exhale and breathe it in with each inhale. Allow the nourishment of this practice to sink into your being.

Research indicates that lovingkindness meditation significantly reduces loneliness, even when practiced alone. It also fosters a heightened sense of kindness and love toward others and ourselves. It doesn’t matter what you felt during the meditation; what matters is that you are planting the seeds of kindness, pointing your mind in the direction of greater love.

 

Sandra Yeyati is national editor of Natural Awakenings.

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